Wednesday, 26 March 2014

A bad news in the evening - It's just an ordinary day when everything seemed to be changed

The bad news came like any bad news in a story book. It was just a normal Wednesday afternoon, I was waiting for my doctor to do an ultrasound test for me because my period did not come on time (again...very normal for me). Lying on the bed in the room of the clinic, I was planning which restaurant to visit after the test which would surely tell me, 'everything is fine, it's just your stress!'

In the middle of the test, the doctor turned the computer screen to me and asked me to look at the large black circle image which means nothing to me in the middle of the screen. 'Miss Jane, there is a big tumour in your womb,' said the doctor, in a tone that I may use to tell my bf that there is a new pimple on his face.

The doctor then explained to me that as my tumour is big, I may be expecting a surgery. Without providing further help or details, he asked me to go back for another checking 3 months later.

My immediate thoughts:
1. I am only 26, why would I have a tumour at this early stage of life?
2. Am I going to worry about the tumour every day in the 3 months?
3. Am I going to express my anger and depressing feeling in front of my beloved so that they feel upset for me too?
4. Am I going to stay emotional and depressed everyday just like every time I met a adversity before?

Instead of reading all the terrifying information on the Internet, I went to a book store, grabbed some books and read.

One of the books that I grabbed was called, The Happiness Project.

One sentence in the book happened to answer all my questions above for me:
"I did not want to look back, at the end of my life or after some great catastrophe, and think, "How happy I used to be then, if only I'd realised it."

I also bought a nice pretty
notebook (from Page One) to
keep a journal about my project.

Growing up, I know that I have the worst personalities ever:
1. I focus on the negative side of everything.
2. I am so insecure that I always prepare for the worst
    and never seem to have the courage to hope for the best.
3. When I am unhappy, I like to concentrate on the negative feelings and go deeper and deeper in the
    dark hole.
All in all, I have NEVER EVER wanted to be a HAPPY PERSON ever.

So, when I knew that my health is totally in risk, all I did was crying, feeling depressed and picking up fights with my boy friend whenever I can.

The idea of The Happiness Project really inspired me to CHANGE. Before the situation becomes worse (which was proven later that the tumour shrank a bit in the second test, yeah!!), before any big catastrophe happens in my life and before my bf stops loving me so much, I should learn to become A HAPPY PERSON WHO LIVE AT THE MOMENT NOT IN THE FEAR ABOUT STH THAT MAY NOT HAPPEN IN THE FUTURE!
This is me walking happily into Disneyland to cheer myself up :)
(A huge step for a person who prefers to sit at home and worry about everything!)

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